Metta
by Tasshin Fogleman
“Trip report” from doing lots of mettā, the brahmavihārās, gratitude, forgiveness practice, general Cultivation / Nurture Positive / Focus on Good style practice:
i can feel warmth, love, happiness in my heart basically at will
baseline mood, happiness much higher. conversely if i don't do mettā for a while i feel sad or depressed. it feels like a mood prophylactic
i actively cultivate loving, kind thoughts towards myself and others, and share them verbally when possible / relevant / timely
i love being kind to myself and others, and finding new ways to express love and kindness
i generally don't have negative self talk in my head. i don't like to think or say unkind things about myself or others. i also don't like when other people say unkind things about themselves or others. if people are verbally unkind to themselves i have an ick / disgust response, sort of on their behalf—even to the point of it feeling like an act of violence
i see everyone as friends, worthy of love and respect—at times, at my best & deepest, as children of God
i want to forgive myself and others wherever possible, rather than holding grudges or resentments, because i see that that harms me
i generally see people as fundamentally good, and their behavior as appropriate or inappropriate (but not evil). i dislike when people ascribe actions that they judge as unethical to evil character
ever since i realized the same tactics / strategies could be applied to laughter / humor, and started to, my physical capacity for laughter has deepened—i laugh longer and more frequently. i often laugh spontaneously / for no particular reason, often at weird times and places (and i love that for me).
people generally like me, feel warmly towards me, trust me. people often share their vulnerable stories or deepest secrets with me, without prompting.
babies, children, dogs and cats, other animals generally like and trust me, gravitate towards me, pay attention to me.
people fall in love with me somewhat easily, certainly more easily than before i did lots of metta practice. that may sound nice on paper but in practice can sometimes be undesired, inconvenient, awkward, painful, challenging.
i don't feel social awkwardness very easily, am comfortable in situations others find awkward (public speaking, group social stuff) or even extremely awkward (unusual uncomfortable social situations). i just love myself and do my best.
Personal Stuff
As a child, teenager, young man: historically depressed, anxious, neurotic. Fair share of difficult childhood stuff (albeit comfortable externals). Strong inner critic. Historically socially awkward, had difficulty making friends. In my head.
Did lots of monastic training where I started doing loving kindness about halfway through my training period. Did lots of self-therapy techniques to resolve emotions, inner conflict etc. before doing intensive metta practice.
The first couple of months of lovingkindness practice were kind of boring and dry. The instructions I received weren’t very good and it took a while to work out how I liked to practice (which there weren’t really instructions for). This is actually a big part of what’s motivated me to focus on teaching and spreading the technique—filling what I perceive as a gap in instruction quality.
I found my own way of practicing that resonated for me: images and phrases that led to literal heartfelt feelings of warmth, love, happiness.
I had some months where I set lovingkindness practice aside to focus on other forms of practice (following the breath, cultivating energy, aiming towards concentration and insight). I felt more depressed and less happy during that period. It occurred to me that I hadn’t done lovingkindness for a while and that I should do at least a little every day.
Since then I’ve made lovingkindness an ongoing focus of my life and have built in structures to ensure I do at least a little lovingkindness regularly.
At a certain point—three years in?—it became obvious that the more loving thoughts I think, the more loving thoughts I feel, the better my life goes, and that I want to hit that button as often as possible—even continuously—to feel and radiate love constantly. That’s the current aim of my practice.
I love that the brahmavihārās and the path of Love can be cultivated in any circumstance (not just seated meditation or silent retreats).
Tradeoffs on Different Resources
Sharon Salzberg approachable
TWIM good—very Buddhist, Insight Focused
I love my own Love related resources but I’m biased 😉
Love Kamal Ravikant’s Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends on It for Self Love stuff—also Anita!
